


This is what the future feels like

by Khalehla, likealichen



Series: This is the future [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Fix-It, M/M, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Pre-Relationship, Sort Of, Spoilers, Steve Rogers Healing, Super soldiers finally getting their rest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-31 05:17:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18584548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Khalehla/pseuds/Khalehla, https://archiveofourown.org/users/likealichen/pseuds/likealichen
Summary: Bucky gives Steve one last hug. He knows he'll probably never see his best friend again.





	This is what the future feels like

**Author's Note:**

  * For [eruditemonk (agent_declan)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/agent_declan/gifts).



> Yes this is an Endgame fix-it because I feel like they f*cked us over with the ending. It covers one of the things that I disliked about the movie. Marvel decided to create even more plot-holes and paradoxes in the universe rather just _let them be_ , so here I am, writing this in an effort to vent out my frustrations. Dedicated to everyone who also thought the ending could be better and wishing they didn't butcher the characterisation.

Despite knowing that it would only take five seconds in their time, it still takes Bucky by surprise when, exactly five seconds later, Steve is standing at the portal, time-travel wristband hanging lightly in one hand. Even though he wants to, he can’t bring himself to move forward, letting Sam help Steve down instead. It’s almost too soon when suddenly Steve is in front of him.

“You okay?” Steve asks, forehead knitting.

Bucky shakes himself, because this close he can already see the shadows under Steve’s eyes and the weariness in his expression, and Bucky needs to get a grip.

“Are _you?_ ” he asks, and peering into Steve’s eyes.

“Why shouldn’t I be?”

Bucky pulls back enough to give Steve his patented _‘are you fucking trying to pull a fast one over me, Rogers? Really?’_ face. To his credit, Steve flushes slightly.

“I will be,” Steve amends with a sad smile.

And this makes Bucky pull Steve into a proper hug, tilting his head back so that Steve can press his face into the juncture of Bucky’s neck. For a brief moment they stand there, Steve's breath stuttering as Bucky runs hands gently over Steve’s shoulder and back.

“Yeah,” Bucky murmurs into Steve’s hair, “you will be. I’ll make sure of it.”

When Steve finally lifts his head, Bucky doesn’t let him go far, just turns them both to face Sam and Bruce, who are now packing the gear away.

“Everything good, doc?” he asks the professor Hulk.

Bruce gives them a thumbs up. “Nothing out of the ordinary from our end. Unless Cap somehow managed to create a paradox while he was gone, we shouldn’t be getting a visit from the Sorcerer Supreme for messing with her timeline.”

Steve huffs out a laugh, but shakes his head. “No, no paradoxes for me. I was warned against changing anything, wasn’t I? This isn’t like last time, I promise.”

“That’s not how time travel works, Steve, I told you that,” Bruce huffs.

Steve gives another small laugh. “You did, but I’m not a doctor of quantum physics, so what would I know? Anyway, what’s done is done; let’s get everything boxed up so we can tell everyone it really _is_ finally over this time.”

As Steve moves towards the table to help pack up, Bucky feels the tension slide out of his body that he didn’t even realise he had. He’ll have to examine this later, this odd almost-fear that he’d been holding in since Steve told him about how he was the one that was going to return the stones to their correct timeline, but for now he shelves the unease to lend a hand.

The flight back to the temporary base is quiet, Steve lost in thought and everyone giving him space. When they arrive, Steve heads straight to Clint and Rhodey to give them the sit-rep while Scott and his team head towards their ship. Steve must give an extremely condensed version of what he did because they’ve barely started unloading the gear when Clint and Rhodey say their goodbyes before moving in the direction of where Nick Fury is standing by with Carol Danvers.

“That’s it?” Bucky asks.

Steve nods. “We’ll have a conference call later with everyone, but for now, that’s it.”

“So what now? What’s the plan now that we’ve saved the universe and made sure no-one’s gonna try and snap half of it out of existence again?”

Steve puts his hands in his pockets and shrugs. “I don’t know. Find a way to help out? There’s gotta be something we can do; a lot of people are gonna need help trying to get back to normal now that everyone’s back.”

“Or maybe you can take a well deserved break,” Sam says, eyebrows up. “Take time to, I don’t know, maybe process what happened in the past five years? Heal?”

“I don’t know Sam-”

Steve can barely get the sentence out before Sam cuts him off.

“Look man, I get it, I really do; but you need to take time to digest everything that’s happened. Take time for yourself. Right now the universe doesn’t need saving. Have a _vacation._ The world is always gonna have bad guys and you’re always gonna want to save someone, so if that’s what you wanna keep doing, more power to you, but seriously man, you _deserve_ some rest, even if it’s only for a short while.”

They’ve had this conversation before, right after they said their final goodbyes to Tony, right before everyone had split up to go home, wherever home may be. They’d already agreed beforehand who was going to be responsible for their last important task; Bucky and Sam would go wherever Steve was going, of course, but after that, they hadn’t made a final decision, Steve changing the subject every time it was brought up.

Now though, now that they’re truly done, they have to make a decision. Whatever Steve ends up choosing, unless Steve says otherwise, Bucky will be there at his side, whether that be back on US soil, or staying in Wakanda. Either way, Bucky, just like Sam, wants Steve to finally have time to heal without the threat of governments or Hydra or terrorists calling for him to take the suit up; Steve had done enough and deserved rest, even if only for a short time.

Steve though, even now he still doesn’t look like he agrees with that sentiment.

When Steve starts to shake his head and looks like he is seriously about to argue with Sam about this yet again, Bucky puts his hand on Steve’s shoulder and squeezes. “Steve, listen, Sam’s right, you need to take time off, take stock, just. Just reset, if that makes sense? You’ve been through so much pal, and seeing Peggy again must have hurt.”

At that, Steve’s expression goes from slightly mulish to wide-eyed hurt; Bucky stamps down on the almost-fear that’s rising in his chest and lifts his other hand so that he’s now cupping Steve’s neck. “You don’t gotta do everything the hard way Steve. And you don’t have to do everything alone. Come back with me to Wakanda; we can stay at the palace or try and see if anything on my farm survived. When that gets boring for you, I’ll take up M’Baku’s offer to visit Jabari-Lands and we can go on another adventure there.”

Bucky tries to frame his words as more of a suggestion rather than a plea because he didn’t feel right in pressuring Steve, not when Steve’s emotions were obviously still raw from having to yet again walk away from a chance to be with Peggy. Bucky knows, from all their talks, just how much it had cost Steve to see Peggy and not be able to talk to her, and the almost-fear he’s been feeling is a direct result of his suspicions that Steve would take the opportunity to be with her given the chance. Bucky’s not selfish; Steve is the most important person in the world to him and he would give the world to see Steve happy. But he’s also human, and never seeing Steve again would have devastated him especially since they’d reconnected so well during Bucky’s recovery time in Wakanda.

Which is why he’d been so surprised to actually see Steve step out of the time-machine; he’d truly expected to never see his friend again. But Steve had come back, obviously broken by the experience. If Bucky could, he’d give Steve this chance at the happiness that slipped from his fingers, but he can’t now, and he has to try and help Steve move on and not regret that choice to not stay in the past.

"All we're asking is you to give yourself a chance, Stevie. Please?"

Steve's eyes are damp and his expression is almost inscrutable, but he finally nods, much to Sam and Bucky's relief. "Okay," Steve whispers. "Okay. Let's go to Wakanda."

In the end Sam decides to stay in the US to help Rhodey and the rest try to bring order back to the world, promising to come visit as soon as Bucky and Steve get settled in Wakanda. Steve, surprisingly, just nods when Sam tells them, though he does cling tight to Sam when they hug good-bye.

Like everywhere else, Wakanda hadn't quite recovered from the snap, what with both their king _and_ their genius princess having been among those who disappeared, but Queen Ramonda with the help of M'Baku, Okoye and the other leaders had done what they could, and Wakanda was probably in a better position than any other country in the world. Since Bucky has his own suite for when he stayed at the palace and whenever Steve was visiting, they decide to head there but they're intercepted first.

They’re greeted at the landing pad by one of the Dora Milaje who Bucky knows passingly well, then taken to see the royal family. Because of the way time had passed - or _not_ passed for them - Bucky greets Shuri and T’Challa in the same familiar manner he’d grown with them while he recovered, but quickly moves on to what they’re really there for. Steve is unusually quiet, so Bucky takes responsibility for heading to their suite and airing it out, checking to see that the fridge is stocked with cold drinks, then putting sheets on one of the beds. Bucky has never presumed with Steve, but he also knows Steve well, and he has a feeling tonight is going to be one of those nights where neither of them will sleep well alone. They each take their own shower, then spend the rest of the time until dinner sitting close, not talking, just enjoying each other’s company.

Dinner is almost intimate; the only people in attendance aside from the royal family are Nakia, Lord M’Baku and general Okoye, who seems to be doubling as the guard that night. Not that it’s needed considering all of them except for the queen mother are still armed, but habits die hard when you’ve just experienced the end of the world too many times. Although it’s always enjoyable being around the family that Bucky now considers his friends, Bucky’s mindful that Steve’s flagging and as soon as there’s a gap in the conversation after dessert, he makes excuses for the two of them and they had back to their rooms.

Steve is standing in the living area looking a little lost when Bucky finishes brushing his teeth, so he steers Steve towards the room he’d made up earlier and settles into bed, keeping the blankets lifted until Steve crawls in. They lie facing each other, and even though the lights are out, Bucky can see the unshed tears in Steve’s eyes. Heart breaking, Bucky tugs at Steve’s arm until Steve is tucked into his chest; Bucky rubs his hand up and down Steve’s back until Steve’s breathing finally evens out and he can also fall into a weary sleep.

They both wake up at a stupid early time; Bucky because his body is still on farm time and Steve just out of plain habit. Same as last night, they lie there for a while just looking at each other, and Bucky’s heart breaks a bit more at how lost Steve looks.

“I’m so sorry pal, I really am,” he says, because he wants Steve to know that he understands just how much Steve is hurting.

Steve shakes his head. “You got nothing to be sorry for; you haven’t done anything wrong.”

“I know, but I’m still sorry. Not that I’m not glad you’re here, but you deserve to be happy and fuck if I could give you that chance to be with Peggy I would; you deserve the best and I’m so sorry you couldn’t have that.”

He doesn’t mean for it to come out so raw, but Bucky doesn’t want to hide how he feels from Steve either.

“It was never gonna happen, Buck,” Steve whispers after a few painful-looking swallows. “I knew it from the beginning. She was so fucking beautiful, you know, the first time I saw her? She was so angry, but she was in her element too. I just. It took everything to walk away and not talk to her, but I knew I had to. I _had_ to.”

When the tears start falling down Steve's cheeks, Bucky’s eyes start welling up, too. He hadn’t cared for Peggy like Steve did, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t admire her, even care for her dearly once he got to know her. Peggy was strong and intelligent, not just a beautiful lady, and the fact that Steve lit up - and fell all over himself - whenever she was around, was what convinced Bucky that he’d finally met someone who saw Steve the way he did. And really? Steve deserved the best and with Peggy, Steve would be with the best; he knew he’d have to let go of Steve eventually and Bucky had been okay with that. In another lifetime, he’d probably had been in love with Peggy too, so it wasn’t the same, but Bucky felt a little bit of Steve’s hurt.

“You could have stayed, you know,” Bucky says softly, the almost-fear rising up again and choking him; but he plows on, honest because he needs to be. “Doctor Banner already explained that time travel didn’t work like that; you could have grabbed your chance to be happy. I- ah. I expected you to. I made myself get used to the idea, that I wouldn’t see you anymore. It hurt, but I knew you'd be happy in the end, so I was happy, too.”

Steve’s expression at Bucky’s confession only makes Bucky sadder.

“No Buck. I couldn’t stay. What would be the point?”

“The point is you’d get the second chance that you deserve, Steve.”

Steve shakes his head, and smiles sadly. “Nah, there was never gonna be a second chance even if I stayed. Peggy got married, remember? Had kids and everything; I’m pretty sure she was already with Daniel even then. You think I was gonna try and insert myself in between that?”

Oh. Bucky’d forgotten about that. “Shit,” he says eventually. “Shit Stevie, I’m so sorry.”

“You gotta stop apologising Buck, none of this is your fault. We just gotta play the hands we’re dealt with, and sometimes, the best thing to do is just start over.”

Fuck. What’s he supposed to say to that? “That’s. Wow. That’s pretty wise.”

“Peggy told me that once,” Steve admits with another heartbreaking smile.

That makes Bucky smile, because of course. “Of course she did. She was one of the smartest people I ever met, and that’s saying something considering I knew Stark and am friends with Shuri.”

“I gotta move on, Buck,” Steve says after a few minutes of silence. “I’m in this century now, and I can’t keep getting stuck in the past. When we were looking for a way to bring you all back, I kept telling everyone that they had to move on, but I never did. I couldn’t. I was such a fucking hypocrite.” Steve swallows hard, looks at Bucky with bright eyes again. “Maybe it’s time for me to take my own advice. I mean, I’ve got you back now. You and Sam and Wanda. I can start there, right?”

Bucky cups Steve’s face with his hands, pressing their foreheads together. “Yeah pal, you can. And wherever you choose to go, whatever you end up doing, I’ll be with you. You don’t have to do this on your own.”

“End of the line, right?”

Bucky feels like he’s been punched in the gut. “Yeah Stevie,” he says, exhaling slowly. “But it’s not the end for us just yet.”

“No it’s not,” Steve smiles.

“Then I guess we better do what the infinitely wise Margaret Carter told you and just start over.”

“Yeah. Yeah. We should.”

There’s still a lot to work on and decisions to be made - what they’ll do, where they’ll stay, whether Steve even wants Bucky to hang around or would rather discover his ‘restart’ on his own - but for now, they have a starting point, and it’s enough. The rest can wait.


End file.
